Satan

Pebble #7 : Being Chaotic…

This post is a continuation of my previous posts

Phase I : Being Different…

Phase II : Being Abnormal…

Phase III : Being Chaotic

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My schooldays were over. I had a very short college life and that’s when i entered this chaotic phase of my life. I started questioning and doubting all the fundamentals i believed so far. Religions too were a part of them.

A couple of years back, in my church when they asked me teach the Sunday school children, the story of Adam and Eve,

I said, “No. I can’t”.

They,”Why don’t you?”.

I said, “No. I don’t believe that story anymore for it looks like a cartoon story. How could i teach something, that even i don’t believe?”.

“What the hell do you mean?”,  now the tone was different and I could see certain eyes were getting red.

“I don’t mean anything, I just question. How there was so much wisdom entrapped in a fruit?? Just by eating that how did Adam and Eve became the wisest of all creatures and the first sinners of the human race?”.

“Don’t you question the word of the lord. They are holy secrets”.

I replied saying,”There are no secrets. If there are, they are meant to be revealed”

My church elders cursed me, “How dare you deny the very truth of the lord. It is written in the holy book and the whole world believes it. How do you deny it, little Moron”.

I said, “I don’t question the presence of Lord or Satan. Let’s assume that I believe their presence, but how could  a simple fruit make the whole human race filled with seeds of sin?”

“What the hell do you think, might have happened then?”.

I replied, “I guess, Eve must’ve had an intercourse with Satan (if there was somebody called Satan). Hence there was the seed of sin. In such case we are all heirs of Satan, not of the Lord your God”.

They must’ve really found it Chaotic.

Well,

Some say, “You are different”.

Some say, “You are abnormal”.

Some say, “You are chaotic”.

Very few say, “You are nothing”… and I prefer that.

P.S. : No religious sarcasm intended. Discussions are very welcomed and appreciated.

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Pebble #5 : Being Abnormal…

This post is a sequel of my previous post Phase I : Being Different…

Phase II : Being Abnormal

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My teenage was really messed… Whatever you think ‘fun’ in that age were taught as ‘sin’ to me.

I remember the first book I ever  read (apart from my textbooks) was the Holy Bible. I was taught bible, in home, in church and in school. Even before I could think and conclude which is good and evil, I was taught and trained in following certain things which are believed to be good. By then, I had gone through the whole bible.

I had the same attraction that everybody had on the opposite gender, but I was filled with guilt for it. I felt guilty and thought myself as a sinner for just looking at a girl whom I found to be immensely pretty. I felt guilty, falling in love (maybe infatuation by that time).

I found that friend of mine to be a sinner, for he was dating a girl in my class. I had a regular battle between what is meant as Good and Evil inside me.

My classmates found it really abnormal to be a teenager. I found it quite restless, during my teenage. Because every time I looked at a girl, the following verse from the holy book echoed all over my mind…

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to desire her has already committed adultery with her in his heart”. (Matthew 5:27-28).

I was totally devoid of peace. I felt guilty all the time and I tried living upto the life bible taught me. But I failed and I became a guilty man. I was driven by guiltiness. Yes, that was a little chaotic.

When that first girl proposed me, I yelled at her saying “You bloody evil, I won’t fall for all these. Get rid of me”. She must have really found it immensely abnormal.

Every Sunday I went church and I ended up realizing that all the youngsters who were believed to be good disciples and who were set as good examples, had their own boy / girl friends and the worst part is they did all those non-sense in church itself :'(. When given a chance, every youth in my church were preaching about blessings and miracles of the Lord, I was one who preached about sin and questioned everyone. My church elders and the senior preacher found it abnormal for a teenager to preach so much about sin.

Once, myself and a friend of mine were walking in the tower park, where the pond was filled with lilies. She asked me to pick one for her,

I said “I wont”.

“Why?”

“If you like the flower, let it be in the plant. Be it live”

“I don’t need explanations, I need the flower. Why aren’t you plucking one for me? Let the rest of the flowers be in their plants”.

I said,”I feel, it will be painful for the flower if we pluck it”.

She looked at me so strangely and in her eyes i could see how abnormal my reply was..

 (…to be continued with Phase III : Being Chaotic…)