Restless

Encounter #5 – ‘Two lines of difference’

I have always felt becoming one with the love of your life is a remarkably special thing. I was lucky enough to get united with my love, the June of this year. Mine was a super thriller love, since her dad is a stunt man in Film industry everyone who knew me used to warn me or plead saying “Machi don’t take my name anywhere in your love matter”. Somehow I pulled up all the courage that I had and approached her parents and got them convinced. We started our married life with a billion dreams. We were spending every moment like we were in a fairyland, till the 9th day of our married life.

My father met with a terrible accident incurring brain injuries, by the time I was in Kerala for honeymoon. We had rush and catch a plane to reach Chennai. It took 20+ days for my dad to show signs of consciousness. Meantime, we had to shuttle him between 3 different hospitals to bring him to safe zone. On the 30th day of my married life, when we were sighing with a bit of relief from the all the chaos, we had an even more terrible hit awaiting. We had to lose my brother’s life which made my family collapse catastrophically, especially my Mom who was the spine of our family. As a continuum, fear and guilt shadowed the family, we had to shut our family business. Fear and guilt took a great toll on my mom and sister’s physical and mental health; the shut of business threw us in a financial crunch.

My better half was by side with all her dreams collapsed and having no strength to take further hits. I too was at the verge of getting broke. Luckily I had a few people to share things, which I never used to do. One such friend, Suresh Balachandar introduced me two lines of words from one of his favorite books. Those two lines made a remarkable difference in the way I perceived the situation, it gave me enough strength to step a further mile. It pushed me to carry my family with immense hope.

We as a family are slowly recovering now, and I still have those two lines from the book ‘Puyalile Oru Thoni’ pinned on my table and mind.

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“There isn’t a distance which cannot be crossed or a burden which cannot be carried”. (Note : Tried translating the two lines of hope)

 

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Pebble #5 : Being Abnormal…

This post is a sequel of my previous post Phase I : Being Different…

Phase II : Being Abnormal

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My teenage was really messed… Whatever you think ‘fun’ in that age were taught as ‘sin’ to me.

I remember the first book I ever  read (apart from my textbooks) was the Holy Bible. I was taught bible, in home, in church and in school. Even before I could think and conclude which is good and evil, I was taught and trained in following certain things which are believed to be good. By then, I had gone through the whole bible.

I had the same attraction that everybody had on the opposite gender, but I was filled with guilt for it. I felt guilty and thought myself as a sinner for just looking at a girl whom I found to be immensely pretty. I felt guilty, falling in love (maybe infatuation by that time).

I found that friend of mine to be a sinner, for he was dating a girl in my class. I had a regular battle between what is meant as Good and Evil inside me.

My classmates found it really abnormal to be a teenager. I found it quite restless, during my teenage. Because every time I looked at a girl, the following verse from the holy book echoed all over my mind…

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to desire her has already committed adultery with her in his heart”. (Matthew 5:27-28).

I was totally devoid of peace. I felt guilty all the time and I tried living upto the life bible taught me. But I failed and I became a guilty man. I was driven by guiltiness. Yes, that was a little chaotic.

When that first girl proposed me, I yelled at her saying “You bloody evil, I won’t fall for all these. Get rid of me”. She must have really found it immensely abnormal.

Every Sunday I went church and I ended up realizing that all the youngsters who were believed to be good disciples and who were set as good examples, had their own boy / girl friends and the worst part is they did all those non-sense in church itself :'(. When given a chance, every youth in my church were preaching about blessings and miracles of the Lord, I was one who preached about sin and questioned everyone. My church elders and the senior preacher found it abnormal for a teenager to preach so much about sin.

Once, myself and a friend of mine were walking in the tower park, where the pond was filled with lilies. She asked me to pick one for her,

I said “I wont”.

“Why?”

“If you like the flower, let it be in the plant. Be it live”

“I don’t need explanations, I need the flower. Why aren’t you plucking one for me? Let the rest of the flowers be in their plants”.

I said,”I feel, it will be painful for the flower if we pluck it”.

She looked at me so strangely and in her eyes i could see how abnormal my reply was..

 (…to be continued with Phase III : Being Chaotic…)

Reflection #1 – ‘The Motorcycle Diaries’

“Let the world change you;

  then you can change the world”.

There are certain things in our life, which are just waiting for their time. If we just allow them knowingly or unknowingly, they do their part so fine. When you encounter them for the first time they seem like they are yet another same thing that you’ve crossed a million times, but slowly… slowly they breach into you, your most private portions of your soul.

They make you cry. Cry not out of pain but out of ineffable Happiness.

They make you feel your presence and its prominence on this lonely planet.

They change you, make you what you weren’t ever before.

They keep knocking you from within and churn you like anything.

This is one such creation…. ‘The Motorcycle Diaries’ a Spanish movie directed by Walter Salles.

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When i heard people talking about this movie, i thought it will be yet another movie with some motivational cliches. But it proved me wrong. Not the first time, nor the second time, every ‘n’th time i watch it, it makes me restless, it tears me apart. I had no idea about Che Guevara, nor his revolutions before watching this movie.

The Movie :

The movie starts and ends with the below quote,

“This is not the tale of impressive deeds…Is a piece of two lives taken in a moment when they were cruising together along a given path…With identity of aspirations and conjunction of dreams”.

In 1952, two friends Ernesto Guevara a medical student and Alberto Granado a biochemist embark on a  mission of traveling 8000 kilometers in Alberto Granado’s  bike “La Poderosa” (the powerful) across the villages and untouched places of South America in a span of 4 months. Their mission was to crown Alberto’s birthday with this journey of a lifetime. Their travel plan starts from Beunes Aires and stretches through Chile, Atacama Desert Machu Picchu and end it in San Pablo by the time they would have came across varied people. distinct cultures and living styles, varied landscapes etc. The road leads them into various situations where they meet various people.. a old woman who is waiting in the doors of death, people of Incas (a great civilization which was wiped off), people who travel through desert just in search of a job, poor farmers, leprosy patients of  San Pablo, etc.

Throughout the journey, we can see that the roads are the same for both Ernesto and Alberto. But the journeys aren’t.

Scenes to Remember :

1.  The scene in which they meet a couple in desert who wander for a job.

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2.  Ernesto treating the dying old woman

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3.  Alberto crying while selling his completely collapsed bike, La Poderosa.

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4. The whole sequence in the San Pablo medical camp. Especially the scene in which he says that the river keeps the healthy away from the sick.

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5.  Ernesto crossing the Amazon river by swimming, inspite of his Asthma and bad lungs to celebrate his birthday with the patients of San Pablo.

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There are so many such scenes, which rip off a portion of you to make you new.

The music of  Gustavo Santaolalla, keeps pulling the strings of our emotion throughout the movie. It makes one feel heavy and at the same time empty. He has done justice to the movie with his music. His music moved me and shattered me like anything.

The Echo :

The movie, music and all those mixed emotions from the movie echo within me. It laid an imprint on me. It is a strange experience. But am sure of one thing, as the movie’s last dialogue reads,

“I am not me any more. At least I’m not the same me I was”.

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P.S :
If you had expected a movie review, I am sorry.

I thank my friend Anand  for introducing the movie to me.

Myself and Anand in the photo above with La Debile (the weak).