Chaotic soul

Pebble #7 : Being Chaotic…

This post is a continuation of my previous posts

Phase I : Being Different…

Phase II : Being Abnormal…

Phase III : Being Chaotic

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My schooldays were over. I had a very short college life and that’s when i entered this chaotic phase of my life. I started questioning and doubting all the fundamentals i believed so far. Religions too were a part of them.

A couple of years back, in my church when they asked me teach the Sunday school children, the story of Adam and Eve,

I said, “No. I can’t”.

They,”Why don’t you?”.

I said, “No. I don’t believe that story anymore for it looks like a cartoon story. How could i teach something, that even i don’t believe?”.

“What the hell do you mean?”,  now the tone was different and I could see certain eyes were getting red.

“I don’t mean anything, I just question. How there was so much wisdom entrapped in a fruit?? Just by eating that how did Adam and Eve became the wisest of all creatures and the first sinners of the human race?”.

“Don’t you question the word of the lord. They are holy secrets”.

I replied saying,”There are no secrets. If there are, they are meant to be revealed”

My church elders cursed me, “How dare you deny the very truth of the lord. It is written in the holy book and the whole world believes it. How do you deny it, little Moron”.

I said, “I don’t question the presence of Lord or Satan. Let’s assume that I believe their presence, but how could  a simple fruit make the whole human race filled with seeds of sin?”

“What the hell do you think, might have happened then?”.

I replied, “I guess, Eve must’ve had an intercourse with Satan (if there was somebody called Satan). Hence there was the seed of sin. In such case we are all heirs of Satan, not of the Lord your God”.

They must’ve really found it Chaotic.

Well,

Some say, “You are different”.

Some say, “You are abnormal”.

Some say, “You are chaotic”.

Very few say, “You are nothing”… and I prefer that.

P.S. : No religious sarcasm intended. Discussions are very welcomed and appreciated.

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Encounter #2 – Tears of a Chaotic soul

A couple of years ago, the last Sunday of that year.. After in the noon i was getting ready to meet few of my schoolies in one of their houses. When i was pressing my shirt, my Mom sensed that am starting somewhere. Those were the years, i had no much freedom to go out somewhere on my wish.. (even now too, but I’ve learnt to disobey it. 🙂 ).

Knowing that am gonna go somewhere, Mom said that we are going to THAT Uncle’s house mentioning his name. As usual, i got a little irritated and told her,
“I’m going to meet my friends.”
“No, way” this was her.
I replied,”Why didn’t you tell this yesterday itself?”.
There started our argument cum quarrel and at-last i yielded to her as like ever.

I had no much intimacy towards him; since from my childhood i might’ve seen him just 5 or 6 times, not more than that. But he was a little closer to my parents. I knew that he is going through cancer. Doctors confirmed that he will be no-more in the next couple of weeks. Though i knew it, i was not interested to see him and take part in the last few days of his mortal life.

Fearing my mom’s angry face I started along with her and my younger sister.  Meanwhile, my mobile was ringing so many times, showing few of my friends’s names. I picked only the first two calls to tell them that I’ll be  joining them late in the evening. But I knew I’m the one who organized such meet for discussing an important event which was yet to happen in the following week.

After switching two buses, at-last we reached his home. He was there lying in the floor. I was a little shocked to see him, completely collapsed  from his health and charm look.
The pathetic fact was that, he was unaware of his cancer. His family and the doctors hid the fact from him saying some other ailment.
Sitting beside his head i talked to him for few minutes. Again rang my phone. I rejected the call. Ringing and rejecting went on for few hours. All those hours i was urging my mom to start from there showing some signs and scratching her foot sitting next to her.
(That uncle recognized my urge somehow.. May be due to his experience..). Finally we started from there and I let my mom and sister go home while i was rushing to my friend’s house. The moment they saw me, few patient less friends of mine yelled at me and we got convinced as like ever. Things went on, that important event too was a success. In the next two weeks that uncle of mine was no-more.
Years rolled on…
Ultimately now, most those friends are not with me and that uncle of mine too.

Now in the recent days, am feeling worst for my behavior that day.

Why did i behave so?
Was i so cruel?
Or Because he was someone far from my emotional bandwidth?

Last night while i was thinking of this tears were trickling out of my eyes even before i could control them. Now am unable to offer him anything more than those Delayed-Drop-Of-Tears.

His soul might be Resting-In-Peace…
Mine is under Chaos…

~ Mr.Lunatic…
(Lost in Chaos…)